The PUA Man

Picking up College Chicks

puaman — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 02:50:25 +0000

So I’ve been focusing on the two classes of girls that I’ve had the most trouble understanding…college chicks and the Low sexual confidence (LSC) girls next door. Following some good advice I got here and my own insights, I think I finally have a solid handle on them. (Sexual confidence is how I define how a girl relates to the world based on external loci where self esteem is how I define how a girl relates to the world based on internal Loci)

Here’s what I found:

Girls next door:

1) Will not show any interest or give any signs that require them to put themselves on the line. Also, will not react/respond to anything that invalidates them or shows interest. This non reaction DOES NOT mean she’s not completely into you, it’s simply a function of her level of sexual self confidence.

2) They respond to a strong lead. You need to go ahead and give her compliments and take care of her regardless of her response. You cannot involve her in any decision making process…IOW, she’ll be happy to follow but you must lead. I may say “Hey you up for doing xyz” as a way to pseudo involve her but I always know the answer will be “Whatever you want.” You also cannot rely on them to initiate anything.

3) They do give subtle signs of interest but they are very subtle and you must really be tuned into notice them. While they won’t playfully hit you, take your hand, give you that burning desire look, or any of the other signs that we have come to love, in my experience so far, signs of interest are:

a) Willingness to get together and inconveniencing herself to do so.
b) Willingness to hold hands and when I rub her thumb, she rubs back. Basically a nonverbal comfort with physical contact.
c) Willingness to put her head on my shoulder
d) Willingness to stay out and not make overtures about having to go.
e) The occasional sarcastic comment that’s designed to try to elevate her value in your eyes. My current one likes to comment on how her satellite radio is cooler than mine.
f) Willingness to kiss… (but you have to just go for it, she won’t give signs that she wants to be kissed)

4) These girls are all about trust and comfort. They need emotional connection and more than that, they need to know that you’re going to be around..won’t shag them and forget them. They respond to alot of AFCish behaviors like holding doors, buying drinks, waiting up for them to text you that they got home.

5) Value must be introduced slowly. She will appreciate the value you have if you slowly bring her into your world while showing interest and respecting hers. You can’t just do the typical things that more confident girls respond to because it’s not part of her world.

6) Once they’re hooked, they’re hooked. Once she opens up, it’s because you’ve earned it. You can trust these girls to a higher degree.

7) She’s looking for a boyfriend…so the traditional dating model is just fine and dont expect to close on the 1st, 2nd, 3rd date…She’s not going to respond the same way to seductive languaging that a more confident girl will so it must be sprinkled in slowly.

Most of all when you think you’re not it or not getting anywhere, it’s probably the opposite so don’t shut down, stay in, until it’s very blaringly obvious that she’s not interested.

I went on a first date Sunday with one of these girls and before I left I made a comment “We’ll talk soon.” Saw her online today and teased her about not sending me a message about how much she misses me. She said “Well I didn’t want to bother you, you said you’d get in touch.” So that little comment about talking soon she took to heart and waited for me to lead. She then drove an hour to see me.

COLLEGE CHICKS:

Much much simpler. You must take them out of their environment and not let them bring any of their anchors with them. You must offer them entry into a world way cooler than theirs and they will step up to the plate and be sophisticated. Allow them to invite their friends with caution – as soon as an anchor to their world comes around, they very well may degenerate into a drunken retarded ADD state.

They need stimulation so you must throw in attract energy regularly. Keep them busy and stimulated.

They then will go back and brag and brag to their friends about how cool you are and how you’re so much better than the guys they meet at parties.

The 36 year old I’m sleeping with is absolutely amazing…Women in their 30s are so much more emotionally and sexually mature… mmmmm

What a girl wants???

puaman — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 02:48:11 +0000

A friend posted this on her myspace….I think it describes perfectly what a girl really wants to feel:

I met a guy. What seems to be a really down-to-earth, sweet kinda guy. We talked through the whole concert, then went out in Raleigh, he called on Sunday, texted me “Good morning sweetheart” on Monday (that makes it soooo much easier to get out of bed), called Monday night. I’m just in this state of awe. He really seems to be a great guy, doesn’t seem “scared”, he’s sooo shy but with a great sense of humor, he’s honest, he’s sincere, he’s well-mannered, he’s scary intelligent, he’s so much fun to be around, he’s country as a corn field, and ridiculously good looking. Sparks? Yes, everywhere! I like everything I know so far. The best part? He likes me back! He really, really likes me back!

I like a guy, and he actually likes me back…when did this start happening?!?

I’ll absolutely be the first to admit, this guy brings a smile to my face that a ball bat couldn’t knock off. When he hugged me the first time I remembered what that “flutter” feels like. Do you remember that? That strange feeling you get in your chest like, back in high school. When your boyfriend kissed you, or you just thought about him? Its girlish. Its silly. Its a feeling I had completely forgotten about. I think its wonderful, and I’m a pretty big fan.

But…..

As one door opens, another closes. How can a guy who doesn’t even want to date you be mad because you found someone who does? What gives here? You think to yourself, “well, eventhough he doesn’t want to be with you in that way, he does still care about you, you know that, and he’ll be happy for you.”

Instead, he finally semi-tells you that he does have some sort of feelings for you, and that it would help him get over that if he just cuts the friendship altogether. What a kick in the teeth.

But, what can you do? What do you do when its obvious that for one great person to really be able to come into your life, you must shut the door on another? I’ve seen this happen. Sometimes you choose the right door. Sometimes…

The door I’m choosing? I never had a choice in the “closed” door, and its one that would have closed eventually anyway, most likely against my own wishes. aka…he would have walked out of my life at some point anyway I’m sure.

And so the new door opens. I can’t wait to find out what’s on the other side. I opened it, I’m peeking through carefully to the other side. So far, it looks like a place I might like to go.

puaman — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 02:35:34 +0000

One of the differences between guys who are good and guys who aren’t is what they are able to convey in the first 10 minutes….this is so important that MM dedicates an entire day of the seminar to identity building. I was having a talk with Mike tonight who was pointing out that this part of my game has become weak. It’s true….even though the identity I had when I was going out all the time isn’t the one I would want now, I did have an identity and was able to convey alot of my personality quickly. I encourage each of you to work hard on your first 10 minutes and what you want to convey. I’m going to be working on mine. You all should also have an accomplishment intro that works for you. I think the key is to make it congruent to who you are…One of the differences between guys who are good and guys who aren’t is what they are able to convey in the first 10 minutes….this is so important that MM dedicates an entire day of the seminar to identity building. I was having a talk with Mike tonight who was pointing out that this part of my game has become weak. It’s true….even though the identity I had when I was going out all the time isn’t the one I would want now, I did have an identity and was able to convey alot of my personality quickly. I encourage each of you to work hard on your first 10 minutes and what you want to convey. I’m going to be working on mine. You all should also have an accomplishment intro that works for you. I think the key is to make it congruent to who you are…

I wrote out my list tonight.

I suggest you write a list of all the things you want to convey then reduce it down to 4-5 things that convey all the others. This is actually a big piece of my storytelling program…I only wish there was someone else to teach it so I could do the exercises!

Here are my 4 from a post on another board:

I’ve also noticed that not being able to be pegged into a box is HUGE with girls…in fact I have a theme I use after she tells me she can’t peg me.

The more I think about it, you’re right about not trying to convey sexuality…because that will be there anyway. I’ve noticed that seduction is the easiest of all the states, once I’m alone with her and escalating. It’s almost as if everything else is simply an excuse to get her alone.

So if I were to compact my list to the most important things that both represent me and contain all the others, I think it would be:

1) Adventurously diverse which becomes intriguing
2) Total comfort with the interaction which conveys that I’m not trying to get something from her but am sexually confident.
3) Lively and passionate which says that I’m really living my life
4) Genuinely interested in who she is which screams “He’s different”

I think Mystery’s leader of men and preselected by women will be conveyed within those qualities without needing their own conveyance.

Interestingly, I like to convey just enough in the first 10 to interest her, I’d rather an interaction start off slow and pick up steam rather than the other way around…it feels more natural for her.

Girls and their flakiness

puaman — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 02:32:29 +0000

I know a girl who is pretty interested in me yet she’s the type who is very flakey. Thus I can be very frank with her about her flakiness. This might not work so well with someone who hasn’t displayed much interest but I always advise to never let a girl’s flakiness slide. The reason I let her slide 4 times is because it hadn’t yet bothered me that much, however this time she said she was going to do something, I joked with her about holding her to it because I knew she’d probably flake so now it’s time to uphold the law. When a girl who has shown sufficient interest in you flakes, my favorite thing to do is to tell them they can make it up to me by cooking me dinner. This has worked every time i’ve tried it. What this does is get them to invest time/money and some intimacy in you. You get to possibly go shopping for the food with her, then get her back to your place or perhaps her place. It’s pretty foolproof. So take advantage of their flakiness because you can turn it around into something great. I actually look forward to their flakiness because I can speed things along even faster than normal Knowing how to handle flakiness is something you will definitely need to learn because you’ll encounter it a lot, most women are just like that, even when you have sufficient interest.

Here’s what I said to her and her response to what I said:

____, I think that’s about the 4th time you’ve said you were going to do something and you’ve flaked. I even joked with you about not forgetting in hopes that you’d take it seriously! I don’t know how you can expect me to be committed to this if you can’t be. I’m pretty dissappointed in you ____ :/

Friday night, what is it that you would like to do? Would you be interested in maybe heading out to Hartford? No more flaking – I will be fully commited to this. I feel really bad, guess I needed a scolding. You’re absolutely right. I will fix this situation and will give you a buzz tonight.

Some Sticking points

puaman — Sat, 30 May 2009 02:38:48 +0000

One funny part about this life style is that it makes you over analyze things when you really shouldn’t. I have come to realize that everything you need to get the “pick up” done is probably already in your head or at least with a tinny amount of training it is there. At the same time the more you learn the more that you can obess over little details. I find that I get stuck over analyzing the infield work when I should just do it until it clicks. Then I can dance around and feel like that song crazy where the guy goes insane from knowing too much.

I can remember 5 months ago when I was first really getting heavily into the game that every step has a giant hard spot in it. Like a big mental block. Weather it be opening or attracting or rapport building. Each step must be figured out on an individual baisis and you hit these crazy mental block or at least I did and still do until everything finally clicks. Over a period of 4 months I went from being embarressed to email a girl to getting so many emails that I didn’t know what do to do with them. Now I have come to a point where I really ignore the internet completely. To me once closing girls becomes no problem it really began to bore me. I realized that last weekend after !closing this girl who’s parents owened 3 major clubs in Boston. This girl tonight that I never ended up meeting in person due to logitics messaged me after a month of not talking and wanted some one to cuddle with. And this girl is a 10. I am not used to this stuff.

I feel that ever one has it inside they just have to try to adapt what ever they have learned into their own personality cuase that is when it truely works. Beauty is really just a big shit test. Sticking points are there but the only way to get around them is jump into the fire and try it out. Then you can analyze after you have done something and it will all make better sense that way you know what works. Analyzing then doing is not the best way of going about something once you already know the basic mechanics. I currently have a big sticking point in the Rapport section. I am good at it over a day but I really want to get it down to opening up a person in 15 to 30 minutes. I feel like I have no clue but at the same time I used to have the same giant mental block about opening and attracting and prizing myself but then those just clicked.

So basicly just throw yourselvs into the fire. Its easier said then done but I know anyone can do it.

Consider this:

Attraction requires a strong command of what’s going on “Outside” you.

Rapport grows out of a comfort with yourself and the interaction and lack of need to be in control.

Seduction is a skill in leading.

Attraction can be learned
Rapport must be natural and genuine
The two skills together (basically leading and pacing) lend to seduction.

Some deep Thoughts

puaman — Thu, 14 May 2009 02:44:52 +0000

Recently, while on a spiritual retreat, I began to realize something…… Generally, I don’t like the term “Confidence” because it is so generic, I prefer self comfort. But let’s take a look at confidence/comfort. There are 2 manifestations of confidence: 1) Confidence that validates self/invalidates others: The confidence achieved by building ourselves up…we build our egos and fill our communications with all sorts of ways to convey that we’re confident..This type of confidence often manifests as at the expense of others. What I mean is this: Have you ever been in a group where you think the alpha guy is confident but you feel his confidence because you feel lesser or dominated by him? Maybe he dominates the group and makes others feel not as good, invalidated, or inferior. Maybe he even coyly makes others feel good as a way of expressing his dominance. This is the guy who carries himself like he is the shit and the world should respond to him the way he wants. This works for sure, however there is a pitfall: It is an illusion and it is dependent on others being invalidated and/or validating him for it to exist. So, it is characterized by fagility 2) Confidence that validates others by being self-grounded: This is the confidence that manifests as we let ourselves go. By lessening our egos and letting go of the obstacles to true power that stand in our way, our innate confidence and self comfort begins to manifest. This path is more difficult than the former, but it is also unflappable because it is our own. Maybe this can best be described as

A tale of sorrow at the strip club

puaman — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 02:45:36 +0000

I’ve been bar backing at this strip club for a couple weeks now. The bartenders all women. Shot girls all women. and then the bouncers, manager and me. So its a pretty fun environment to say the least.

First off 2 of the bartenders are like easily 8.5-9′s in my book. And one of the shot girls is def a 9+

Ok now to the story. This bartender I’ll call her ‘B’ I work with thurs and friday nights. She is taller 5’8″ brunette, hot face, hot body, big real boobies. Sooooo nice. She’s like kinda bad girl type with tatoos, likes to goto football games and drink beer at hooters….awesome fun personality in my opinion. Over all at least a 9.

She lives with this guy ‘G’ for like the last 2-3 months. Anyways I never explicity talked to her about her boyfriend before cuz my policy is boyfriends are never my problem. Anyways today I show up to work and he is there. I recognize him from bouncing at a couple bars in hartford. Tall, fit, reasonably good looking guy that you would expect would be used to dating hot women such as B especially since he works in the night life scene in hartford.

Well first thing I notice about him is his whole demeanor and facial expression. It gave away the whole story before I extracted the details from B.

He had that unmistakeable hurt sad puppy dogg look on his face. I knew immediately that he was her boyfriend and they were on the rocks. It was slow so they were talking alot the first 20 mins i was at work. B on the other hand was normal, not upset, actually joking and flirty with me like always. This confirmed the rest of the story for me. I knew at this point what was going on and exactly why she was breaking up with him.

I tried making small talk with him asking if he worked at pour house etc. He was very short. G leaves the bar shortly after. So I call B over and I tell her to explain the deal communicating that i knew what was up. She admitted that she just broke up with him. I ask her why.

She goes on to tell me all these things about G’s behavior that read like a laundry list of what not to do with a woman.

- He never lead her. She always came up with the ideas of where to go and what to do for fun and Im sure for everything else. Im sure she sat on the couch constantly asking what he wanted to watch and he’d be like whatever babe you choose

- Not spontaneous at all. She wanted to grab a 30 rack and haul ass to the motley crue show a couple weeks ago …..he was like no way i gotta hit the gym

- Clingy and needy and smothering – he called her all the time. Never let her go out alone. ALways had to know where she was

- Would not trust her. check her cell phone had to keep tabs on her at all times.

- overall just a really nice guy that surrendered all his masculinity when he moved in with this girl and in doing so shot himself in the foot.

G was communicating the whole time, lower value, lower status, needy, insecurity, immaturity and then he was texting her the whole night…..please let me have a second change blah blah all this stuff. HE JUST DIDNT GET IT! He had a really hot cool chick and he blew his chance because he stopped playing the game and put her in the center of his universe. I have fallen into this trap before as well. I gamed a hot desirable chick, got her to commit to me then turned into a complete SAP out of fear of losing her. Obviously she got displeased when the attraction disappeared and broke it off…I had an epiphany the next day as to why it all went down the tubes and I ended up laying her again some time later. But the damage was done. YOU CANNOT PUT DOWN YOUR GUARD AFTER YOU GET THEM.

I can’t say I helped much cuz I did my best to run some Tyler Durden boyfriend destroyer material on him when me and B were talking about it. I dont know how well I did it but I think….no no I’m positive he has no chance of getting back with her and I communicated I was higher status and higher value and I was opposite of all the things he was. I tried getting her number by telling her I wanted her to forward one of the text messages he sent her but it was too long to send verizon rejected it*fuck you verizon* but it would have been the epitome of hte need nice guy not having a clue as to why he was getting his heart broken again.

anyways hope you got something out of this. I just love the knowledge of this game and how I figured out the entire scenario down to the details just by the look on G’s face.